"you can’t joke about that"
but I am allowed to find my own life funny
I am allowed to laugh at the things that make me cry all night and distract me from everything that happens during the day and fucking hell if you don’t laugh with me then fuck you ok because my perspective on that which I experience is not yours and you can’t take it from me
jfc I know you don’t want me to be miserable talking about how ungreat it is to feel like I’m filled with nails and shards of glass and how throughout Japanese today I kept thinking about how, if I want to carry through with what I want to do, I should throw myself from the top of staircase B in the library because everyone uses staircases A and D, and how I’m very certain that somebody is going to either stab me in the stomach with a cold blade or crack my skull open and how every second further I continue to live leaves a deeper scar in the world
if that makes you uncomfortable I want to talk about it in a less gloomy way and if that still makes you uncomfortable then I hope it makes you as uncomfortable as possible